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THE INTERNET'S LAMENT



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Hey, you kids on Facebook! Yo, you teens on Twitter!
And anybody else with Roomba-iPhone babysitters!

You text and you chat 'till your thumbs get creaky,
Your eyes bug out and your brain goes squeaky.

Youtube's down for maintenance and Gmail's just plain out.
Do your teeth get to grinding? Does your hair pull straight out?

Well, hush up with your whining, and take heed of this ol' vet.
No horrors of a war long past, this is about the internet.

I braved the streets of SouthBayou (/Pier/9092/SpockFan.html)
Armed with nothing but my AOL and my trusty Packard-Bell.

Every morning I awoke to shrill and beeping midis
Embedded in the background of the wretched Geocities.

Stick figures donning hard hats, "Under Construction!" signs,
Guestbooks, counters, webrings (THIS SITE RULES NOW VISIT MINE!)

Lime green text and chartreuse backgrounds, let's add a blink tag here!
You load a page and hold your breath, half in awe and half in fear.

Dancing hamsters, dancing Jesus and dancing babies too.
Animated gifs can do some awful things to you.

They haunt my dreams, the early memes: Mr. T and I KISS YOU!!!!
I close my eyes and find that all my base belongs to you.

56k was the best, way back in those old days
Downloading files, awful --up the hill both ways!

Now newer days have come bringing Wifi, Bluetooth and 3Gs
All that's left of Geocities? Shuttered sites 'n tacky memories.

So next time your dear MySpace or LJ 404's?
Remember for a moment the words of this ol' web dino.

And as you gaze from your high rise on Intertubes Blvd and Lolcat Drive
Be thankful for your Web 2.0, as it wasn't always so
And remember poor Geocities which was barely Web .5!


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1994-2009

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This eye-burnery brought to you by [livejournal.com profile] therealljidol. I'm sorrrrry! XD

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